“You don’t look people in the eye. Your son must get his autism from you.” I am not neuro- typical. My husband is not neuro-typical, neither are my two kids. I have begged my sister to study our family because we are like some crazy, messed up case study for a neuro diverse family who constantly trigger each other. My sister is a Psychology specialist.
My younger son has recently been diagnosed with ASC (Autistic spectrum condition). If you ask him what this means, and he is only 7, he will say ” People are ‘getting me angry’.” What he means is ” I sometimes have no idea what people are trying to communicate, so I then throw furniture.” My husband relates to a lot of his behaviour. And suggests this as “just normal”. Normal is a very relative term.
I know I have a tendency to not give people eye contact. The truth is (And I have pondered and hyper- analysed myself to the umpteenth degree.) If you are talking to me, I can give you eye contact endlessly. If I am talking to you, I find it incredibly difficult . And the reason is that I have no ability to multitask. It is NOT to do with not understanding your non-verbal communication. It is to do with being able to read every facial expression, every gesture, every minuiti of detail in your subtle and often very personal communication. I cannot construct an intelligent sentence, while simultaneously reading in your face that you are in pain, struggling and worrying about your car MOT which you pick up later. It is for me a sensory overload.
Sometimes I am slightly jealous of people in my life who cannot read these signs. Imagine just talking about the weather, without seeing that your friend has been living with acute sleep deprivation, loneliness, and relationship problems. Myself and bigger son FEEL acutely. And it feels like a painful space to occupy. Bizarrely, my husband thinks that I do this with everyone APART from him. Imagine just talking about rain??? or snow?? or wind?
To my friends I am: Loud, in you face, no holding back, honest. I am “Feisty”, Face like a window, tell it like it is. I am also a great listener. I turn up at people’s houses saying “You’re not yourself, you can tell me to f off, but I was worried. ” I regularly have people crying on me. It gets a bit intense, tbh, but I think “I am definitely doing something of importance.” I have a face which instils trust.
So I am not neuro typical. A really special friend of mine refers to it as “her inner eye”. Another bestie calls it being an “Empath”. I can only be myself, so I hope to think that for my weirdo kids, in their weirdo family: It’s ok to be weird, and it’s ok to not be ok.”
Keep talking people. The problems always start when we stop talking.